1 more week to POP... out of tekong... hoho
left with 2 major events.. SOC and 24 km route march.. oh and the drill competition that i`m involved with (sux)
after that BLOCK LEAVE... i wanna go overseas... ANYONE? (STEPH? YH?) BANGKOK? HK?
what have i done? maybe it all happened too quick but so much so that i didnt even catch a glimpse of anything that was going wrong and soon before i realise everything was over, everyone was gone.. now its too late... certain things and a handful ppl holds on to me like tenderloins of a broken limb keeping me sane..
how can one be so fucking selfish, giving in to your personal fucking pleasure and leaving others in pain.FUCK YOU! act like you fucking care and showing you take your responsibilities and playing the role that your entitled to but fuck you dun even really give a damn do you? where were you guys when mum was ill, where were you when we all needed you? FUCK YOU! go away pls cos your presence makes me sick, your presence reminds me of what kind of person i`m made from... your weekly talks with me are nothing but fixtures to play your part as being my influencial figure? FUCK YOU! i am fucking sick of all the ugliness in human form.. how god created us but we turn out so ugly ! EVERY FUCKING SINGLE ONE ! the fucking phone call really made me felt so 2nd class compared to a slutwhore bitch.. FUCK YOU! i dun think i`ll ever really forgive anyone like you.. and never will i forget (not even the details since primary sch days).
banished and gone forever with no historical records or whatsoever.. its funny how things just keep crashing on you and it just never seem to end.. and no matter how bad the situation is a worse one would befall on you.. and no matter how much you console yourself that when all these potholes are crossed and the sweetness comes it will be ever so sweet but deep down you know that its bullshit because as it is you are feeling like crap and no amount of self consolation is going to even put you into the state of denial because you know the cold hard solid fact your fucked..
when you thought you will start afresh, circumstances and situation put you back into the spot where you just stepped out from.. yea god is one funny guy, with plans for you that you seem to resent and detest but whats the point.. we still go thru it.. it just seem like the sufferings we go thru is an absolute must in exchange for another's happiness whoever it is in this world.. it just seem that at one point there can only have one person whose happy and that person just never seem to be me..
i feel sick of myself.. and i`m slowly giving up, accepting the fact that this is how it is... and this is how it must be because i must have tried almost everything i could do or spoke to ppl i confide in but nothing helps.. and funny even i myself isn't sure of whats wrong.. i feel tired.. of even feeling... because all i feel is sadness and extreme sadness...
ironically, i`m reminded of you.. in the slightest way that i didnt thought would be possible. and you haunted me yet again in every aspect regardless what the conversation was served over the best food and beer.. and i sunk in deeper..
you did it subtly, gradually but suddenly, that was it.. and at that point where you struck the hardest there was nothing left in a trace.. i sulked and i picked myself up thinking it was over but i thought wrong.. now i dunno where i am...
perhaps it was the reminiscence, perhaps it was the beer, tonight i took a turn from the route that leads home..but it was nothing more than a drive by... there was nothing more i could do was i? maybe these are all a series of drama you go through when your on cloud 9 but whose to say what's right and wrong when you feel like nothing but an empty mollusk.. sad but true, i`m possessed by you...
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3and half more weeks to get out of tekong...
